Descent

i dont really know if things are looking good or bad.

i vomited twice today.

first was mutton soup with bread chunks,
and the next was just 20 mins ago.
maggi with chunks of sausage.


BOY DO I LOVE MY CHUNKS.



my dad just came back.
like just.
like when i was typing about the mutton soup.


so that means less freedom.
and freedom as in freedom to go out regularly and freedom of speech.


the brother of a good friend of mine just passed.
very sorry that i could make it.

its not that i dont want to put away my ego or anything,(or the fact that i even have one)
but i just cant go to funerals.


i honestly cant be able to take the mental and visual torture.

mental as in i wont stop thinking about death,
and visual as in i cant bear to see people who ive seen alive before,
in pain or as in the case of my friend's brother.

my most deepest of condolences.


not going even makes me think about death.
it makes me think that what would i do if my brother died.
especially when he's in the army.


or what if my parents die.

where would that put me?
im already 19.







oh ya, yuna was good.
and so was mocca.

now...
if only she was 19.