Descent

thom yorke, if you're reading this,
help me.



You can't understand how a person like me thinks the way I do.
Im twisted between two in comparison.
that doesnt make much sense until you think about it for a minute or so.
I havent been as hardworking as last term.
I feel like im going through some weird ass crisis.

I honestly think that at some point of a man's life, there will be a time where he goes off track, and the tougher part about that is getting back on track.


people have been telling me that im intelligent and shit. im not trying to show off or anything, but its just that people have been telling me that so much, that it starts to make me wonder. am I really?
do I know what im doing?
is it better to do something with minimal effort or just give up?



is there even an answer to that?
my hypothesis's and philosophies have only gotten me so far.
I live by the words I say.
but i'm only at a certain point of my life. and often at times these days, i find myself broke.

jane says that i havent gotten my grasp back.
and I agree.

she's probably the only lecturer that can really read me.
I like her classes, I really do.



but I feel so unsettled lately. not physically, but mentally.
My body feels more at ease. but as I was typing, I realise that uncertainty grows over time. The longer my questions go unanswered, the more perturbed I become.
Whats going on?


Its like my soul is not in balance anymore. Its fighting something.
I just cant put it down, and usually I can.


Im not much of a reader, but I see and more importantly, I hear.
observation is key.

key to alot of things.
I find myself thinking alot of thing at once.

I guess I am a natural born thinker.
but will it make me go crazy one day?
i'd just like to count; how many thoughts can I think of in a day.


but thinking of how many thought si considered a thought, and trying to think if thiking of another thought is also a thought.

but whats sucky is that thinking of a thought while thinking of someone who doesnt think of you.






now thats sucky.